I will be shocked if anyone is still receiving my blog’s updates anymore seeing that I haven’t posted anything new since…ohhhhhh….November. But what the hell? Writing is cathartic for me regardless of whether or not I have an audience.

I’m sitting right now in my living room watching snow fly sideways through my neighborhood. D-town is experiencing a pretty massive snowstorm right now that’s left most meetings/appointments/schools cancelled. Well, of course, except for the med school. Because we’re especially dedicated or something….it’s funny because every single other branch of CU (including the downtown Denver campus which is only located maybe 5 miles from the med campus) was cancelled. Hell, even the nursing school, which is on the SAME campus as the med school, was cancelled. But for some reason, the powers that be felt it was necessary to demand that the med students come and be subjected to information about fungi and anti-fungal medications for four hours.

Ummmm no.

So instead, I stayed in my cozy house and read about fungus from here. Safety + learning=good. I may not be a doctor or anything, but that much I do know.

So why in the world are we learning about fungus, you may ask? Because we’re currently in classes that deal with hematology (study of blood), immunology, pharmacology (druuuugs), and microbiology (bacteria, viruses, and fungus of course). These blocks last till spring break after which we will come back and tackle the monsters that are the cardiovascular, pulmonary, and renal systems. HOOBOY. Big stuff, right?

But in order to tackle the big guns like the CARDIOVASCULAR SYSTEM, I first need to conquer blood disorders….and antibiotics…and other such things that have very long, complicated names that prove absolutely impossible to memorize.

Grumble, grumble.

But hey….memorizing endless amounts of information isn’t so bad, right? RIGHT? Anyone?

Okay, yes. Memorizing endless amounts of information does kind of suck, I can’t deny it. But at the very least, we’re sort of getting to the point where we can talk quasi-fluently about medications doctors commonly prescribe. I now know how to analyze a CBC (complete blood count) to a certain extent. I know how to logically THINK about the process of diagnosing someone with anemia. Kind of cool to see these skills begin to fall into place (albeit very very very very slowly). It makes me excited to think that one day, I’ll know how to think about so many different kinds of disorders. In other words, I might one day know how to be a doctor.

Yeah, probably that. But for now, I’ll just keep on plugging away at all the random bits of information because I know that one day, I’ll actually use it. It will be instinct, and I will barely remember the days I spent agonizing over how to remember this stuff.

Gotta lay the groundwork to build a solid foundation, right?

A quick giving of thanks on this most feastastical and turkeylicious of days:

I am thankful for fresh ground coffee and yummy breakfast quiches that my mummy sometimes make for me when she’s feeling generous.

I am thankful for my wonderful med school friends. Who else would share in the glory of noticing that we’ve had not just one, but TWO lecturers in the past two weeks who have looked exactly like one of the Ghostbusters guys (Dr. Igon, I think). Not the Bill Murray character. Or the Dan Akroyd character. Or…ummm…the black guy . It’s the other white guy. Yeah, that one. You know who I’m talking about….maybe. We’ve had multiple lecturers look just like him. Is it a biochemist thing or something?

I am thankful for Colorado’s glorious weather. Sure, it may snow in October. But come November it’s all 60 degrees and gorgeous. I think it may have even hit 70 for our thanksgiving meal today.

I am thankful for being done with anatomy and its stinkiness. Seriously. Life is still ridiculous, of course, but at least my hair doesn’t constantly smell like formaldehyde.

I am thankful for yoga’s newfound place in my exercise routine. I have been so off-and-on with yoga over the years. When I’m into it, I do it 3 times a week. When I fall off the yoga bandwagon, I do without it for months at a time. Since starting medical school, I’m now “on” with yoga, and it’s been glorious. It’s been exactly the form of exercise I need at the end of a long day with my brain working at a million miles an hour. It calms, centers, and grounds me in a way that I truly crave.

I am thankful for ridiculous 80s playlists. Right now as I type this post, I’m rocking out to Rick Astley’s cheeze-tastic “Never Gonna Give You Up,” and it just makes me so happy. I might just have to cut this post short so I can dance it out. This post has just been Rickrolled. I’m not even kidding.

I’m thankful for skiiiiiiiii days. I’m going tomorrow (second time this season), and I’m anticipating glory. Sortof. The snow has been iffy here as of late. I mean, 70 degree days aren’t conducive to awesome ski conditions as you might imagine. But it’ll be awesome to be in the mountains nonetheless. They are my happy place, after all.

Finally, I am thankful for sweat pants (aka. fat pants). I don’t know if I could function properly after my Thanksgiving feeding frenzy without them. They allow my bloated stomach to subsist without any hint of impingement, and for that, I am eternally grateful to them.

What slightly irreverent or random thing are you guys thankful for?

Notice that my title did not reference the top 3 things I learned FROM anatomy. I don’t want to bore anyone with those lovely minute details of the intricacies of the ridiculously complex machine that is the human body.

No. Let’s not go there, friends.

Instead, I’m just going to detail some of the life lessons I learned during the medical school hazing ritual otherwise known as anatomy. In no particular order, they are as follows:

1) Any exercise is better than no exercise. Anatomy was one of the most time-consuming endeavors I’ve ever encountered in life. More so than work. More so than my college studies. It just consumed EVERYTHING…we generally started class at 8 and then continued with lab until 5 after which I needed to spend 4-5 hours studying at night trying to learn the massive amount of material we were expected to know. It was like a job that never ended, and the amount of time required for studying really unnerved me. I sacrificed a lot of the leisure time I was accustomed to during my previous working life.

Those long training runs I normally did on weekends? Gone. I didn’t have the time to train for anything. Somedays, I didn’t even feel like I had the time to workout at all. But ultimately, I made the choice to do what I could with the time I had. It wouldn’t kill me if I didn’t do the traditional 45 minutes of exercise. I could do 25 minutes, and that was enough. I always felt better afterward, and it meant a lot to me that I was doing something good for myself.

2) Being kind to yourself is the key to dealing with times of immense stress. This relates to my previous lesson. So you know how I tried to exercise when I could? Well, sometimes I felt so stressed out that I just bailed on exercise for multiple days in a row, particularly right before exams when it seemed as though every waking second needed to be devoted to studying. I always felt sorta guilty about it, but it seemed like the right thing to do at the time. You know what the nice part about this exercise skipping was? I realized that I will not DIE if I skip a workout. Heck, I won’t DIE if I skip it for three days in a row. Ultimately, my body craves exercise, and if I don’t fit it in for a few days, my body lets me know. After a few days of relative inactivity, I always wanted to exercise….mostly to relieve stress and get rid of pent up anxious energy. It was like an itch that needed to be scratched.

That said, even with my slightly diminished exercise regimen during anatomy, I didn’t gain weight. Nothing terrible happened. Yes, I might have lost some of my physical fitness, but it wasn’t the end of the world if I didn’t adhere to my original workout goals for the week. I forgave myself and moved on. And honestly, I’m a better person for it. Life will go on. I think the body has a remarkable way of finding its way back to equilibrium if you just listen to it. That’s what I believe anyway.

3) Life balance is waaaaay more important to me than being a medical student machine. One thing I learned about myself is that I am not a studying machine. I just can’t do it.

Some of the kids in my class are honest-to-god study machines that can just go and go and go for days without surfacing for air or any outside relief. I am not one of these kids. I am not going to be the number one neurosurgeon in the world simply because I want a life outside of medicine. One that is fulfilling and enriched with all the things that make me happy. Don’t get me wrong. My studies are incredibly important to me, but it is simply not worth it to me to sacrifice my health, my friends, and my overall sanity to achieve Honors designations in classes.

This is kind of a big deal for me because I’m type A. I like to be the best, and throughout my life, I’ve always been toward the top of my class. Anatomy was a different animal because of the amount of memorization that’s required to do well. The more hours you put in, presumably the better you do. But where do you draw that line? I decided to draw the line such that I did not honor the class. I did well, of course. I learned an immense amount and showed mastery of the vast majority of the material. But I did not honor, and that was a bitter pill to swallow at first. I’ve been told numerous times that the first two years of grades in medical school are a very small factor in what hospitals look for during residency applications. But still, there’s a part of me that wants to do the best I can in everything.

Prior to medical school, I could do what I felt was my best without sacrificing my happiness. Now, I don’t feel that’s quite as achievable. During anatomy, I did my best within reason, I figure. I could have chosen to study for hours and hours and hours on-end, and then maybe I would have honored. But I didn’t, and I honestly feel that I was happier during this block than some of my fellow students. I feel like this whole balance thing is a big deal for people in my profession, and it’s something that I want to always keep in mind going forward into other time-consuming endeavors like residency.

This is my promise to myself going forward….I will not expect perfection from myself in all areas of my life. I will do my best, and I will focus on what I need to do to achieve a reasonable balance between life and work. If that means being less than the best, then so be it.

Ultimately, I want to be a doctor who is fulfilled in both her career and her outside life….and as much as I would like to be the best at everything, I simply can’t. Something’s gotta give. I would like to think that being a good doctor doesn’t require spending hours and hours learning every possible minute detail of distal sites of nerve innervations in the brain. I think being a good doctor requires taking care of yourself first and your patients second. In order to give the most of yourself in your work, you need to be a happy, fulfilled person first.

I hope to keep these lessons in mind moving forward through the rest of my medical education: I am human, I am not perfect, and that is just fine with me.

Hello friends,

today is a big day for me BECAUSE it’s my LAST DAY OF ANATOMY!!!!!!!

No more stinky formaldehyde.

No more cadaver parts.

No more lab time.

One more test stands between me and (quasi) freedom. Hopefully, I’ll resume a more regular blogging schedule starting in the next few days or so. Fingers crossed.

For now, I feel like I’m doing the final couple miles of a marathon. Shuffling my way to the finish. ALMOST…..THERE….KEEP….GOING…..

I’ll try to recap some of the shenanigans that have gone down in the past two months sometime soon. Think a white coat ceremony, my very first mud run, a blogger meet-up during a Pikes Peak charity hike, etc. Can’t wait to welcome blogging back into my life!

Cue the cheesy “Final Countdown” music! Bumduhduhduhdum!

My mind feels like my title. Just like…ughhhhhh….blarghh….ughhhhh….memorize, memorize….drooool.

So. Much. Memorization.

It almost hurts.

I’ve decided to emerge from my med school black hole (yes, contrary to the previous post, I think it does really exist) to tell you all that I just don’t think much blogging is going to go down during my gross anatomy block.

This is the block in med school that’s the most time intensive apparently. We sit in lecture 4-8 hours a day, and when we’re not in lecture learning a bajillion hard to pronounce arteries/veins/nerves/bony landmarks/dermatomes, we’re dissecting a cadaver.

AKA. Digging my hands in body parts and formaldehyde for hours at a wack.

AKA. Only one of the most fascinating things I’ve ever done.

AKA. Also one of the most malodorous things I’ve ever done.

In other words, between memorizing an endless onslaught of muscles, arteries, and veins, and dealing with my new formaledhyde-esque fragrance, something’s gotta give….and that something, unfortunately, is blogging.

Sorry blog.

Hopefully, I’ll get back to it once the anatomy block is done in October. Till then, I’m hoping to pop in every so often to say hello and to reassure everyone that I’m maintaining some semblance of sanity amidst the truly immense workload in medical school. I wish I could in part something more profound because I feel like I’ve been whacked over the head by SO MUCH NEWNESS and SO MUCH INFORMATION, it could fill a book. Honestly, it’s been overwhelming in so many different ways…my brain can barely handle it, which is probably why this blog post is becoming nonsensical.

Regardless, I just wanted to pop in to say I’m surviving, I’m working hard as all get out, and I’m loving every second of it.

Yes, I am here.

Shocking, I know.

I feel like I haven’t been blogged in eons.

It’s been a week and a half, you say? Might as well be eons in blog time.

I apologize for my absence from this little corner of the internet realm, but several forces have conspired against me to prevent any sort of blogging action.

These forces have included:

1) a massive internet hassle with Qwest which required lots of mail shipments and one repair guy to come over and finally fix our issues

2) the loss of my computer over the past two weeks. What was once a 40 dollar repair became a 300 dollar repair which has now ballooned into an 800 repair. Eff it all. I heard this sad news from the apple folks today. I’ve decided to just buy a new one at this point, but it still doesn’t excuse the fact that I’ve been computerless for the past two weeks. Argh. It’s been a bit of a struggle for this internet-addicted girl, especially as I’ve really needed computer access for medical school.

3) Oh right, medical school. Yeah, we sort of started this past Monday. By sort of, I mean we finished our orientation week today with a white coat ceremony where other physicians bestowed us with a schmancy white coat and a stethoscope. I felt legit. Nevermind the fact that I have no idea how to use a stethoscope. It’s the look that counts. Beyond my new ownership of a white lab coat, I’ve been getting badges, standing in lines, going up to Estes Park for a med school class retreat (just like summer camp, but with more nerdiness and more beer consumption), learning about the massive amount of stuff I’m going to try to memorize this year, and meeting all my amazing new classmates. In a word, it’s been awesome, but obviously, a very busy time. Combine that with the whole “my computer is broken” thing, and we’ve got a recipe for a blogging absence.

4) a stupid eye infection that just won’t go away! Okay. That doesn’t really contribute to my blogging absence, but it’s been annoying. Wahwahwah. I’ve been relegated to wearing my glasses for ANOTHER two weeks, and while I don’t mind being in my glasses for a few days, two weeks is a lot. I don’t know. I’m just hoping this allows my eyeball the time it needs to heal completely.

So basically, things have been crazy. But I promise I’ll be back once my life gets a little more under control. Thanks for being patient with my random absences as of late!

As I sit here in my new townhouse located in my new city, I feel a sense of peace amidst the whirling dervish form that my life has taken over the past couple of weeks.

I wrapped up my final day as an AmeriCorps volunteer, closing out that chapter of my life. A very strange feeling not to be a part of AmeriCorps anymore. Very strange indeed. On our last day, I and the other AmeriCorps volunteers at my non-profit participated in a beautiful closing ceremony which gave us the time to reflect on our experiences working with the kids and share our thoughts on the year.

I didn’t expect to cry when I stood up to share my scrapbook project I had been working on over the past month. But somehow, I did. These type of things always happen when you’re least expecting them. The kids I worked with this year in Boulder, the adults I served last year in Hartford… they will stay in my heart for always.

The greatest thing I have taken from my AmeriCorps service is my firm and steadfast belief that we are all connected in this world. An individual’s actions do not exist in a vacuum. What we do affects others, and if for only this, I think everyone should be more cognizant of the implications of their beliefs, attitudes, and actions. As I head onto the next chapter in my life, I carry forth with me a greater awareness of the issues facing our communities in the US and the desire to offer my own particular attributes and skills to best serve my local community. To make it a better place in whatever way I can. This I know for sure: These past two years in AmeriCorps will resonate with me the rest of my life, and I sense that its full impact on me will reveal itself over the years to come.

After my final AmeriCorps day, I packed up all my stuff in a frantic and haphazard fashion (per usual) and moved from beautiful Boulder to vibrant Denver. I wasn’t really sure what to expect from Denver. I’m not sure I do, even now. But this I must reveal, the city is surprisingly charming. Far more diversity than Boulder, which I very much enjoy. Nothing against Boulder, of course, but I like the fact that Denver just feels more “real.” Older, more lived in. You can sense the history around here as you cruise around the old neighborhoods and under the large trees shading many of the streets.

I will say this. I think I’m going to like my new home, and I’m sure it has many more surprises in store for me. Really, I think the next four years of my life has many more surprises in store for me as I begin this grand journey called medical school. I just hope I can step back from the constant studying and onslaught of anatomy terms and see the big picture every so often. I want to go back to those intentions I had with my AmeriCorps service. I hope that I’m able to recognize every once in a while that all the 2 AM studying sessions and the sleepless nights are not only for my benefit, but for the benefit of every patient I come in contact with. Of every member of my community I serve. That’s my goal with medicine: to serve those without a voice, to serve the marginalized, to serve those in need of support and help.

To serve.

T-minus three days and counting till it all begins…

My life is a bit of a shitstorm right now. Madness. Chaos. Craziness. BLARGHHHHH.

Here is what I’ve been up to:

Last week of AmeriCorps ever.

Moving to Denver in three days.

Starting medical school in a week and a half.

Cleaning out my refrigerator and accidentally destroying a huge glass shelf with my bare hands. Impressive, no?

Sleeping outside in a tent for the past week and a half because it’s too eff-ing hot in my townhouse to consider doing anything else. Yes kids, I’m now the crazy tent lady! Yippee!

Going rafting and camping with high schoolers. P.S. How not hot are wetsuits? Bahahahaha. Possibly the least attractive article of clothing EVER.

Hiking at Great Sand Dunes National Park. The CO’s awesomeness knowns no limits. Think it’s all just mountains and pines? Think again. Also, hiking on sand is an amazing workout. Just sayin’…

Accidentally wearing my Lululemon built-in-underwear shorts inside out for about an hour before anyone pointed it out to me. In addition to being crazy tent lady, I’ve also assumed the identity of Captain Underpants. You might be able to recognize me by my underwear on the outside of my shorts. It’s a pretty sexy look.

Just for the record, my ridiculousness astounds me at times.

I shall return to blogging sometime when the madness calms down again….or when I want to procrastinate from packing. We’ll see which happens first…

Sometimes, when I go hiking in the Colorado Rockies, I feel as though I’ve been transported to another planet- the surroundings are so beautiful they almost assume a surreal quality to them. A Lord of the Rings style otherworldliness, if you will.

Never has this been more true than this past Friday when I ventured to the Sangre de Cristos wilderness in southern Colorado for a planned backpacking trip and 14er expedition with my friend (and future med school classmate!) Susan.

The original plan was to drive 4.5 hrs down to the trailhead, backpack up to to a high camp at Willow Lake, and then try to climb two nearby 14ers early the next morning.

Welllllll….as it turned out, that didn’t exactly happen.

Fun fact: going to the midnight premiere of Harry Potter, arriving several hours late to the trailhead, schlepping 30 pounds of crap on up 3000 vertical feet of trail, and then not setting up camp till 1AM does not make for very motivating conditions to attempt a 14er climb.

As a result, Susan and I bailed on the whole getting up at 5AM and climbing 14ers thing and instead chose the sleeping in thing. Sometimes, you just have listen to what your body is saying, and my body was BEGGING me for some more sleep.

To be perfectly honest, I didn’t really mind bailing on the 14ers climb. By getting to the trailhead so late and backpacking up to the lake during the midnight hour, I was able to experience the amazing, mystical beauty of a full moon hike. Imagine this scenery illuminated by the otherworldly glow of the moon….

It was mindblowing. I really wish I could have taken a picture of it because my words do such an awe-inspiring sight absolutely no justice whatsoever. Just know that the beauty of these sheer cliffs glowing by the light of the moon was enough to take my breath away (what little of it was left anyway after all the huffing and puffing we did while we hauled our gear to the lake). 100% phenomenal.

The staggering sight of the sheer glowing mountain cliffs made me feel very small and simultaneously overwhelmingly happy that I am able to experience such things, that I’m able to bear witness to such beauty in this world of ours. Being alive is such a rich privilege sometimes, you know? I often forget that amidst the hustle and bustle of daily living, but it really is…and this full moon hike reminded me of that.

The next morning, we were both tired and sore from the hike to the lake, so we decided to enjoy a leisurely morning frolicking around this beautiful alpine lake area and just savoring our time in this outstanding corner of Colorado.

We dipped our feet into the freezing waters of Willow Lake while gawking at its 200 ft cliffs and waterfalls.

We admired the clusters of Columbines (the CO state flower) growing in the area.

We gaped at the sheer power of a rushing river.

We scooted around rocks and bushes as we attempted to view the lake from every possible vantage point.

We basked in the loveliness of the sun and the way it illuminated the lake from within.

And we took an immense amount of nerdy hiking pictures, of course!

This trip will have a special place in my heart in spite of the deviations from our original plans. It taught me that time spent in nature is meant to be ENJOYED. We’re only on this earth for so long….if we’re always running around focusing on the summit, how can we possibly slow down enough to appreciate the beauty of the journey?

And trust me, there is so much beauty during our journey. Sometimes, you just have to slow down for a second and deviate from your original plans to realize it.

I can still call myself an AmeriCorps member for only a few more weeks. Crazy to even say that since AmeriCorps has been a huge part of my identity for the past two years of my life. The next phase of my life will commence the week after that when I begin this little thing called MEDICAL SCHOOL.

Holy crap. Scary. Awesome. Scary. Awesome. Scary. Awesome.

Anywho, since that essentially kicks off the rest of my working life as I know it (again…scary. awesome. scary. awesome. scary), I’m cherishing my few last weeks of my AmeriCorps work as a mentor/tutor for low-income high school students. The summertime has been super chill for us since all of my high schoolers have graduated, but it’s also given us the time to do some amazingly fun things.

Like camping with a few of our kids in Glenwood Springs, Colorado….

Like enjoying this view and getting paid to do it…

Like watching high school boys do totally stupid things like jumping over a raging creek to a large rock and doing nothing to discourage their antics (if anything, i might have encouraged it by documenting the entire thing with my camera!)

Like spending a night in the world’s leakiest tent during a raging rainstorm, waking in the morning to realize the tent’s sogginess was due to the fact that the rain fly flew off in the medical of the night, and then laughing hysterically about it afterward with all the other girls in the tent

Like hanging out in the morning, enjoying such breakfast delights as peanut butter, bagels, and a ridiculous amount of cream cheese

Like dragging high schoolers to go hiking against their will and then watching them discover that they kinda/sorta/maybe/sometimes enjoy spending time in the great outdoors!

I have a sneaking hunch that I kinda/sorta/maybe/sometimes will miss these kids. No, I take that back. I definitely will miss them. They have a funny way of sneaking into your heart despite the whining and complaining and general teenage goofiness I’ve encountered over this year. This I know for sure: the memories from this year are here to stay for the long haul.